Farmers Gal

Since I relocated and have still not found work, I have had plenty of time to catch up on all the crappy daytime TV shows that I’ve been missing (if you want to call it that).  When I was still in OK, I didn’t have cable, didn’t miss it too much and I enjoyed the money that I was saving by not having that bill to pay.  Now that I am here in NE, I have access to satellite TV 24/7.  This morning I was very productive;  I got the house cleaned up, I’m now on my last load of laundry (I believe I started the day with 5 or 6…men are dirty!) and I even played with the dog.  So I didn’t feel too bad about sitting down in front of the boob tube with some ice cream.  D had been watching some court show on his lunch break and as much as I hate watching those, I got sucked in.  I finished that episode and then the grand-daddy of all talk shows came on.  You know the one with the host whose first name rhymes with cherry…you know you’ve watched it at least once…its the one where the skankier you are the better, lets not leave out all of the cheating, stripping, who’s my babies daddy-ing, all the dirty little secrets revealed, plus all of the (extremely fake)  fighting and the screaming of obscenities.  Yup…that’s the one.  I am ashamed to admit that I watched the whole show and I came away concluding that if that is what society deems entertaining, we are in a sad place.

It is summer time, kids are out of school and looking for ways to fill their days.  I know when I was a kid, shows like this were absolutely forbidden in our house.  We were made to go outside to play and we had lists of chores to take care of.  There was no sitting around in front of the TV all day, or playing video games until our hands ached.  We had to use our imaginations to entertain ourselves, not watch all of the smut on TV or see who could beat all the levels on the newest game out.  What happened to  ‘the good ole days’?  What happened to kids that enjoyed doing things outside, and had manners? Bad parenting is what happened.  We can’t lay all of the blame on the kids…their main influence is their homelife and the example their parents set.  Yes, peer pressure exists, yes, every kid encounters peer pressure at some point;  but if you are raised with no morals, no manners, no respect, and no one to tell you no, peer pressure is the least of your worries.   Parents have stopped being parents.  Kids are more of an accessory than a responsibility and it is sickening.  When I go to a mall or out to the movies or really just go out I see a generation of kids that value nothing.  They take what they want because they want it.  They say what they want because it is their right, and by God if you violate their rights there will be hell to pay.  Now this is a broad generalization, there are still wholesome kids out there, but they are a dying breed.  I just can’t imagine what the future holds for this generation XXX.  I’ve seen girls that can’t be 13 yet dressed like hookers.  I’ve heard young boys and girls that could give sailors a run for their money when it comes to cursing.  What happened to our youth?  How did kids go from innocent to x-rated?  And shame on their parents.   It scares me to think of what life will be like when I have children if things continue on the path we are treading down now.  Americans need a wake up call.  Parents are so caught up in their own lives & problems that they are neglecting their kids and by doing so creating an army of mindless, selfish, materialistic, disrespectful zombies.  If their own parents don’t care about them, what hope do they have?  I think that before popping out a bunch of babies people need to step back and think things over.  Points for them to ponder: 1. Do I understand that babies grow up and become adults, or do I think that I can trade them in when the cuteness wears off? 2. Am I ready for this responsibility?  3. Am I having a baby because I want to be a parent, or because all my friends are doing it?  4. Am I going to parent my child or let someone/something else do that for me?  5.  Am I stable enough to provide a secure environment for a child?  The list could go on forever.   This has turned out to be quite the rant, so I guess I should end it.  I just don’t understand…a lot of things!

While having lunch with my beau today I came to the realization that I am going to have to get used to spending the bulk of my time alone.  Now if all of my dreams come true, that won’t be so terrible.  The dreams I’m referring to are 1. to become D’s wife, and 2. to become a mother.  Now marrying D won’t get me any more time with him, but having children will keep me from being alone all the time.  Right now, D is an agronomist and springtime is ridiculously busy for him.  He is working 6 days a week, usually at least 12 hours a day.  If all of D’s dreams come true, he will be working 7 days a week, whatever hours he chooses to work.  He wants to farm, just like all the other men in his family. The more time I spend with him the more I see how passionate he is about farming.   There we were, in the middle of his dad’s corn field in late October, just watching his dad run the combine,  harvesting corn.  The look on his face was pure contentment, he was glowing, and that sight will be something that I’ll remember forever.  That day I decided that whatever I had to do to help him reach that dream, I would do.  When he is happy, I am happy.  He was designed to be a farmer, it is in his blood, its what makes him tick.  I was talking with his mom this past weekend, she was showing me all of his baby pictures and old home videos.  I learned that his 3rd word was tractor, his favorite toys as a little boy were tractors, his birthday cakes were all farm related, his world revolves around farming and always has.  As a 7 year old, when my Uncle M asked him what he thought of his sweet corn crop, D replied, “Well, it looks pretty piss poor to me!”.  My family has known D pretty much all of his life, and its all he’s ever talked about.  I can’t ask him to give any of that up for me.  I sometimes have a hard time being by myself so much, but  it was my choice.  He didn’t ask me to move 700 miles away from my family, I gave up my comfort zone to be here with him and to help make his dreams come true, because in that process, all of my dreams will come true.  I have no regrets about my decision and I don’t want it to sound like I am unhappy here living this life, but I had my head in the clouds thinking that we would spend every waking moment together.  I have been here just shy of 3 weeks, and we have spent 3 days together.  I look at his parents, and that is just how it is when you are married to a farmer.  Work takes priority most of the time, and that is hard to swallow sometimes.  I know that I am his everything and farming is his passion,  in his own words, he has to have both.  The love that we have for each other is strong enough to endure all the time apart, after all, we spent the first 9 months of our relationship 700 miles apart.  I get to see him every day now, even if it is just for a couple hours and that is infinitely better than seeing him once every few months.  When I get to feeling sorry for myself I try to remind myself of how hard it was to be so far away from him, never getting to hug him or look into his eyes, or be able to see his gorgeous smiling face, and how lucky I am to get that every day now.  I never want to give up any time with him, but his work makes him so happy and seeing him happy makes me happy.  So in a way, I guess I have to have both too…I have to let him go do what makes him happy so I can be happy.  Sometimes I think it all depends on how you look at your situation, there is always something to be thankful for, even when you can’t see it.  There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, my light is when the alarm clock goes off each morning, lunch time, and whenever his work day ends.  He walks through that door with a smile on his face, just for me.  How incredible is that?!?!

Moving always has a way of making everything as chaotic as possible.  I still have about a month before I have to be out of my apartment, but I am still not 100% sure where I will be living once I get moved.  I mean, I have looked at a few rental properties online, but so far no lease has been negotiated.  I am not worried yet.  I know I still have time, but I don’t want to procrastinate and be a crazy person when the time for me to leave finally gets here.  I was originally going to be out of my place by now, but I signed on for an extra month on my lease…so here I am.  The timing just wasn’t right when my original move out date came, but things have settled down a bit and I am in planning mode.  I haven’t started packing yet, mainly because I hate having to navigate through all that clutter.  I am starting to go through all of my junk to get rid of what I can in my down time.   The part that I am most worried about is how I am going to transport all of my belongings all 700 some-odd miles to my new home.  I believe that between my parents and my beau, I should have enough trucks and trailers to move half the state, we just have to work on our timing.  You see, my Dad works construction, my Step-Dad owns his own business, and my beau is an Agronomist….spring is a pretty busy time for them, so I’ll be working around their schedules.  I’m trying not to stress about it because I can’t wait to be there, but there is so much to do between now and then.  Wish me luck!!